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| from Graphics Fairy |
Recently I read about guarding our speech and found I have been thinking about it a lot lately. The article used an acronym to help remember it: TKN.
True, Kind and Necessary.
Before speaking am I using this mini-inventory, if you will, of what I am about to say.
Is it true: or gossip, hearsay, exaggeration, opinion or supposing?
In conversation with my oldest daughter about family situations, do I participate in the "assumptions" and hearsay of what is being told, or do I just listen and say "it could be but since I don't know the what's true and real, I can't really comment on that."
Usually I jump in and feed into the conversation, until I find my emotions are running high and my words are also. This always leads to a short temper and I bring that to my home environment. Even my prayers turn to what I want, so my feelings will be calmed. When the truth is - I haven't spoken to or know for sure, so I have to say a prayer right there and give it over to God. He knows what is happening and I don't need to expound on all my opinions.
My loving husband listens to my "dumping" on him when I get caught up, and by grace, just listening he allows me to see my actions being led by my assumptions.
Is it kind: it may be true, and still do not need to say it. Is it hurtful, critical or a putdown?
My husband and I had an amazing conversation about this recently. Just because I know what someone at church said about a friend, doesn't mean I need to repeat it, to anyone. If I feel I will burst unless I tell someone, I need to look at my motives and ask Jesus to help me. Usually I am looking for acceptance to say something that doesn't NEED to be said. Or being critical I am putting me "higher" than the person I am speaking of/to.
And finally is it necessary: am I repeating my explanation? is it more important than silence?
Oh my greatest weakness. Repeating, repeating, and saying it again...even if the other person has heard me, I just need to tell it AGAIN. Why!? When I look at my motives I am usually looking for acceptance, a discount, a deal, or plain ol' I want something! So hear me!
For instance. I was just on the phone with the woman that owns this amazing little frilly woman's shop north of me in a tiny town up in the mountain. I had seen a pink scarf with little sparkles 2 weeks ago when I was there and I really want to get it. I have a green one, but the pink adds color to my black coat in the winter. (And matches my flower on my coat!) I explained I was there, and what I saw and where it was. She asked me to send a picture of the one I have...but I had to tell her again when I was there and where it is. Why!? Because I have my hopes set on this cute scarf. I want.
A scarf! My priorities just entertain me sometimes. I am human, and oh so grateful for Grace.
I have since detached and am working on adopting the attitude of "if it's there it was meant to be, if not, may God bless the woman who wears my scarf...I mean that scarf."
I do this so frequently, I know I do it and still do it. So I have prayed and asked for God to help me with this. It's working. His Grace is allowing me to see my words before I speak to allow me to pause and re-asses.
This is one area I am working on. I find as I see a weakness, God is trying to bless me with ways to work on it. So He showed me Ephesians 4:29-32.
"Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion that may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor (shouting vehemently) and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
This came in a book I was reading about 2 days after learning TKN. I sat with this and broke it down, I encourage you to as well.
While it's easy for me to get caught in the negative, I work to follow the Peace of God and say what is the blessing, what can I work on that is good? Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving.
I am mostly focused on using TKN with in my conversations with my husband. Am I lifting him up, or tearing him down. Am I pointing out what he has done, again! or am I choosing to let it go and ask How Important Is It? Is it worth his self-esteem? Not usually. The many blessings I have gotten and seeing a happy husband more frequently is a blessing itself for my hard work.
Christ's peace be with you,
Dee
Update: I just got a phone call from the shop owner. She has the scarf and is giving it to me for $5, including shipping! What a blessing of trying to change my weakness. God is awesome!
