When I list out all the things I want to do in a day, or heck, even in the week or season, I just can't make it work.
I am the Queen of a new schedule, or searching the 'net' for new routines. I enjoy seeing others ideas. But the bottom line is - I always come back to what works for me. What's at hand right now. And that doesn't include counting every 30 min in my day.
God happens to put things in my path and my whole "perfect" schedule - every 30 min increment I had planned - gets thrown off. "Toss that schedule." "Need to write a new one." "Where's that one schedule that I was on top of my morning. That one will work. I just know it."
Only to try that one for a few days and then that one goes out too.
By God's Grace, I have come to see it's not the schedule. It's not having a way to squeeze in my day all the Household To-Do's, Rest, Crafts, Prayers, Cooking, Reading...not to mention personal - shower, exercise or a lovely bath. I've tried. On Paper (and computer). Hundreds of times. Even tried to fit blogging in from 9:30 - 10.
Guess what? It doesn't work.
I've tried not living with a "schedule" too. I have many friends that don't even have a list. I've done the "pray for the next right thing", that lands me on the internet for 2 hours! Only to feel like a failure because I got lost in the 'net'.
By grace I see guidelines - not absolutes. Forgiving myself and being grateful for the interruptions. Not focusing so much on a schedule which is all I think about. Leave flexibility. Believe me, I have been an absolute girl most of my life. But being a seasoned homemaker - I have learned what's absolute and what's nice to get done.
I read recently about not making planning my idol. I don't remember the blog I read it on, but I was again searching for a new way. "Maybe someone has come up with something that will work for me." Don't get me wrong, I love to search for ideas.
But the whole point is that my planning, and all the details that go into it, becomes my focus. My idol. Scarey.
There is my trap. Someone's plan to work for me. What about listening to my needs and my families needs. What about stepping back, finding the peace and looking at my pattern. Don't get me wrong, reading & seeing others plans inspires me to see what works for me.
When I sat down and wrote out my basic absolutes: prayer time & journaling, exercising, rest, reading, cooking & prepping 3 meals, and having a short prayer time with my husband in the evening - there really isn't 12 hours that I can squish in all my wants for the day or the month. No matter how good it looks on paper.
Hence, I looked at this idea of making my planning my idol. I had become so focused on planning to "get it all done" that I forget to Breath. Have you ever heard that Christian song - Breathe?
I am now looking at planning as a whole and as a general blueprint, or guidelines.
It feels like I get so caught up in all the blogs and all the ideas, all the possibilities --- I get overloaded and forget to live. To listen. To Breath. And to stop letting fear drive me. Fear of failure if I don't get all my Household in's and out's on paper so I can manage it all.
To love God is to Trust. (My word this year). There is rhythm to the day: an active morning, a calming as the afternoon slides into evening.
There are seasons that God made. He created. We can get back to following those natural rhythms and "Listening". That is my hope. I still have a To Do List, always will. But I don't sit for hours planning, decorating and making every thought about the next plan, or next month. There is a season to do crafts and a season to garden. A season to sew or learn my autoharp. There is a season to be active and one to rest. Scripture speaks of this.
This change in perspective has helped me to weed out all the wants, all the absolutes and "my Plan". Trying to plan out everything only leaves me feeling chaotic and in desperation trying to find God.
Breathe. Look for your rhythms, and plan, but be watchful it doesn't become your idol.
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