Created

Hello Ladies~

I have just finished the book Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  While her writing is harsh, but there are some highlights that are wise.  Here are a few lessons I have learned or have been reminded of.

First, my husband is Mr. Steady. In the four types of men she has defined, my husband is Mr Steady.  This was an amazing insight for me in my relationship.  Mr. Steady is a man who is created steady to bring peace and safety to a woman's soul.

I used to tend to push or react to wanting him to decide sooner than he is taking the time, and I react to what I want done.  It always ends up that I try to "fix" the consequences of my behavior.  Debi states - we need to learn how to sit still and listen and to let God move my husband in His good time. Pray for your husband to have wisdom.  Let him be the one God made him to be: Still, Quiet, Thoughtful...for you!

So to keep my eyes off him and how long it takes him to decide - she states a Steady man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God.

Grow in my own right! For me, that's develop skills, have an opinion about events and such, give my opinion - WHEN ASKED- about situations regarding him. (Not nagging.)

Mr. Steady is usually liked by everyone and "belongs to the people".  I see this as how he gets "filled".  Such as, my husband is in training and discernment to become a Deacon in our church.  My job is to support him and walk with him, not pull him away to be mine only.  When the time comes for us to get away, Debi states to ask him to leave the cell phone behind so it's just us.

Second, "A Proverbs 31 woman is not mousy or a voiceless prude".  I have had to learn to speak up.  My natural voice is very quiet (except when I get mad).  He can't read my mind, nor should I expect him to.  I must find that balance between being aggressively opinionated and speaking with respect my wants/needs and my opinion (again when he asks for my opinion) regarding the situation at hand.

Third, Admire him, Respect him. And TELL him so.
Watch my words! for it is so easy to tear him down and for him to misinterpret what I said.  Some examples she gives are:
    *Do you feel comfortable spending that much money on that? (This causes him to begin to doubt his ability to make wise decisions.)
     *Honey, I need to ask you something very important that really tears me up inside.  Doesn't this activity you are engaging in grieve your spirit? (The Spirit of God had been prompting him concerning this, but he was trying not to hear; he almost brought up the subject himself last evening but now she is disappointed in him. He suspects he is not spiritual, but somehow the whole thing makes him angry.  He feels pushed. Now he resists her just to maintain control.

Always ask: "so what did you hear me say?" and ask him to repeat it.  When he is done you can clarify, but again, do so with respect. Not jumping in to correct him or tell him he is wrong.   You will be surprised as to what he actually hear.

In an argument and in anger~ your first concern is to discern your part of the problem.
     ~How did I contribute
     ~What were my motives
     ~if they were ill, then I owe amends. If they were pure, did I speak disrespectfully.

Men are more sensitive than we think.  Speaking with respect is from Ephesians.

Remember to learn to think  speak well of all people. Guard your mind and heart and get your hands busy! It keeps the devil and his lies at bay.   Memorize Phil 4:8.

I hope some of the things I have learned may help you.  I have been married over 27 years, and I am still learning.  It's a journey, and I am just a pilgrim.  Learning to stay close to God and willing to admit my weaknesses and faults. Men are so different.  Mrs. Pearl has given some lovely tidbits to discern for me.

May God's peace be with you,
Dee